It's been a while since I posted a new blog but as wedding season revs up, here's another installment about the history of the various players in a wedding ceremony.
After officiating weddings for over 30 years, I have had some wonderful experiences with ring bearers and some, shall we say, more interesting experiences (rings lost and yes even swallowed). Let's take a look at the history of this role and suggestions for the ring bearer in today's wedding ceremony.
              One of the most common beliefs regarding ring bearers dates back to Ancient Egypt. During that era it was common for treasured jewels to be carried on ornamental pillows during celebrations, especially wedding ceremonies. Although many historians believe that adults carried the rings on the ornamental pillows during Egyptian times, today it is more common for a young boy wearing ring bearers outfits such as boys tuxedos to perform the duties.
              Other historians trace the origin of the ring bearer to Medieval times, when a young child, known as a page boy, carried the bride’s train down the aisle while holding a book of prayers. Page boys did not carry the rings, as they were presented to the couple on the tips of swords. Because pillows were rare during the era, wealthy families replaced the swords with pillows as a symbol of their riches, and the page boy was given the duty of carrying the pillow, often wearing ring bearer outfits.
              The ring bearer grew in popularity during the Victorian Era, when boys suits consisted of velvet jackets, short trousers and round linen collars. Often, the ring bearer outfits included large bows of white crepe used to fasten the collar, unlike today when ring bearers wear boys tuxedos that match the other groomsmen.
              Here are a few suggestions for the role for your wedding. It is best to have a young male between the ages of five and ten. Any younger and you may have trouble having them pay attention or they may get fussy. Any older and they lose the cute factor.  And the last thing we need at a wedding is a surly teenager standing at the altar. This is why those ages between five and ten are the perfect range. Young enough where the audience will still think they're cute yet old enough to be able to follow direction.
              As with all members of your wedding party, the ring bearer should be somebody you are close to. It could be the son of a sibling, a cousin or a friend. This way you will have a special memory and bond with this person for the rest of your life. Though you could go break from tradition and have a girl play this role. Yet make sure they stand on the proper side.
              If you have a boy ring bearer then he will stand on the groom side. If you have a girl then she will stand next to the bridesmaids. This is also where we should mention it has become popular to use a dog as a ring bearer. If you go this route, make sure it's being lead on a leash. And the sex of the leash-holder will determine which side the dog can stand. Next you need to figure out how you will carry the ring.
              In tradition, the ring rests on a pillow in the hands of the ring bearer. Yet it is another opportunity for creativity. For example, if the couple met playing softball then put it on a softball glove. You can also put it in a box. Or a ring dish or a ring pillow. I also saw a cute banner they could carry down the aisle. The reason why you might have them carry a banner is that you can avoid them losing the rings. But there is another way to avoid risk losing the rings. Just like with the wedding cake there are tricks you can play with the rings. A great way to stress out of your wedding is to give your rings to a five year. I barely trust myself to hold them. Put fake rings on the ring bearer pillow or box.  This way if disaster strikes and the little tyke loses the rings there is no real harm done. Instead, the best man or the maid of honor can carry the real rings.
              When the wedding is over make sure you reward them. Give them their own gift. I would recommend two gifts. One gift can be serious for the mom. That is the keepsake that can be commemorative. But there should be a fun gift. A toy. That way they will be immediately happy. And have something to remember for later when they are older.
              The ring bearer is a popular role in every wedding. And it's a great way to allow young people who are close to you to be part of your wedding. Or if you are a pet parent it's a great way for your pets the be part of your wedding.

The Wedding Cake
     Here’s another interesting development about the history of wedding traditions. The wedding cake had very humble beginnings before it evolved into the artistic masterpieces we see today. In Havre de Grace, we have such an artist in Cindy King at Desserts by Rita on Pulaski Highway. Unlike some wedding cakes, not only do her cakes look great, they taste awesome.
     Until I started this research, I never knew that originally, the cake was not eaten by but thrown at the bride! It developed as one of the many fertility traditions surrounding a wedding. Wheat too, is traditionally a symbol of fruitfulness and was among the earliest grains (predating rice) to be ceremoniously showered on the bride and groom. In its earliest origins, the unmarried young women attending the wedding were expected to scramble for the grains to ensure their own betrothals, much as they do today for the bridal bouquet.
     Early Roman bakers, it seems were the ones who made the move from throw it to eat it. These bakers specialized in weddings and were distinguished and respected in their trades. Somewhere around 100 BCE they began taking the wedding wheat and creating small, sweet cakes with it. Interestingly, the cakes were eaten during the wedding. Imagine sitting as a wedding guest, eating cake while the couple exchanged their vows!
This evolved  from eating the crumbs of wheat to sweet meat cakes and the cutom spread throughout Europe. These cakes must have been rather dry because in medieval England the tradition broadened to include the practice of washing down the cakes with special ale called "bryd ealu," translated as "bride's ale," words that eventually became the word "bridal." Before their wedding, brides would brew a special batch of beer to sell. This was to raise funds for her and her husband’s new life together.,
In the Middle Ages, when food tossing became rice tossing, the once decorative sweet meat cakes evolved into small biscuits or scones. Guests were encouraged to BYOB (bake/bring your own biscuit) with them to the ceremony. After the wedding, leftovers were distributed among the poor. It is those very simple biscuits and scones that became the forerunner of the elaborate multi-tiered wedding cake we know today. Legend has it that throughout the British Isles it became customary to pile the biscuits, scones, and baked goodies on top of one another in one huge heap. The taller the pile, the more the future prosperity of the young couple, who exchanged a kiss over the mound. It is told that in the 1660's during the reign of King Charles II, a French chef (whose name, unfortunately, is now lost) visited London and was appalled at the cake-piling ritual. It was his idea to transform the messy mound of bland biscuits into a beautiful work of art, an iced, multi-tiered wedding cake.
         So, we can thank the Romans for the beginnings of this wonderful custom and no surprise, French bakers are responsible for the beautiful works of art that are in many ways the focal point of the reception.

 
     Since I have been working with couples in celebrating weddings, I have become curious about the history behind many of the customs and rituals that are part of today's weddings, and thought I'd share what I've learned. What I've discovered is an incredibly rich and interesting history here. Everything we do has a fascinating history; none more than the notion of the Best Man, Ushers and the "Wedding Party".
     Many centuries ago, before the women's rights movement, men who had decided upon a wife often had to forcefully take her with him (or kidnap her) if her family did not approve of him. The tradition of a "best man" probably has its origin with the Germanic Goths, when it was customary and preferable for a man to marry a woman from within his own community. When women came into short supply "locally," eligible bachelors would have to seek out and capture a bride from a neighboring community. As you might guess this was not a one-person operation, and so the future bridegroom would be accompanied by a male companion who would help. Our custom of the best man is a throwback to that two-man, strong-armed tactic, for, of course the future groom would select only the best man he knew to come long for such an important task.
     During the "marriage by capture" era, close friends of the groom-to-be assisted him when he kidnapped the bride from her family. The first ushers and best men were more like a small army, fighting off the brides angry relatives as the groom rode away with her.
The role of the best man evolved. By 200 AD his task was still more than just safeguarding the ring. There remained a real threat that the bride's family would attempt to obtain her return forcibly, so the best man remained at the groom's side throughout the marriage ceremony, alert and well-armed. He continued his duties after the ceremony by standing guard as sentry outside the newlywed's home. Much of this is German folklore, but is not without written documentation and physical artifacts.  There are records that indicate that beneath the altars of many churches of early peoples (the Huns, Goths, Visigoths, and Vandals) there lay an arsenal of clubs, knives, and spears. The indication is that these were there to protect the groom from possible attack by the bride's family in an attempt to recapture her.
     Bridesmaids and the bridal attendants came about later in history and for less adventurous reasons. Bridesmaids and maids of honor became more common when weddings were planned. For several days before the marriage, a senior maid attended to the bride-to-be. This maid or matron of honor, as we know her today, ensured that the bridal wreath was made and helped the bride get dressed. All bridesmaids helped the bride decorate for the wedding feast.
      So, as you choose your attendants, know these men and women are part of a quite interesting and, especially for the men, a perhaps dangerous history.

          In all the planning that is part of the wedding day, you are creating an experience: the colors, the dresses, the flowers, the music, the venue, the decor, the cake, the food. But why are we there at all? Oh yes. You two love each other and want to celebrate that love. We are here to  e part of a timeless ritual that through the ceremony, witness your public declaration of that love in a way that uniquely expresses your love for each other. Then we have a good time and enjoy all the rest.
              Of all the different aspects of a wedding the only one you must have is an officiant. But we officiants are not ‘just the legal bit’. We are the difference between a legal marriage and a ceremony of commitment. We are also the person who communicates the experience of your unique relationship. I have been officiating at weddings for over 30 years and the one certainty is that every couple is unique: how they met, their values, their personalities, their hopes and dreams. The officiant is the storyteller, the narrator of your relationship and the orator of your commitment at that precious moment.
              For this experience to be all you wish it to be, hire a professional. He or she will probably be the least expensive of all your vendors, but the ceremony is what the day is all about. A professional officiant can guide you, make suggestions, offer options and work with you to set the tone you wish, so you may express to one another and your guests what you mean to each other.
                                     WHAT DOES THE OFFICIANT DO?
Officiating at a wedding is more than a job. For me and I would hope for anyone officiating a wedding, being asked to officiate is a high honor and a sacred trust.             
So what can you expect from a professional officiant? This is a basic outline of what you can expect from me. I can’t speak for others, but this is what I bring:
Respond to initial inquiry by couple and schedule an initial meeting where we get to know one another. If we are a “fit”, I’ll reserve the date and discuss ceremony options and provide resources to help planning the ceremony
Meet with the couple to discuss and brainstorm the ceremony. Through the process, I communicate with couple via email to insure the ceremony is what the couple wishes.
Suggest any unity ceremony rituals and blended family ceremonies. These include but are not limited to Sand, Rose,  Wine, Unity Candles, Glass Breaking, Medallions, Blessings, etc.
Take all the ideas provided by the couple and write a custom ceremony using custom and non-custom elements.
Get acquainted with the venue if not already, such as a park, a home.  If need be, I will call or email venues and communicate with the venue so I know what to expect. If it’s local and I’m not familiar with the venue, I travel there and check out the site.
Arrive at the venue an hour before the start of the ceremony to meet with the coordinators, DJ, photographers and any other necessary folks. I provide a ceremony outline to the vendors who need one so there are no surprises. I am also there to help with any last minute crisis, nerves, be a calming influence for the nervous partner who is waiting at the altar.
Officiate ceremony.
Announce the legal joining of the couple.
Complete and file paperwork with vital records authorities, make copies of documentation.
Send a copy of the ceremony to the couple.
                                                         HOW MUCH?
One question that comes up often is the cost. Costs vary but usually you can expect a charge between $300 and $500 depending on experience and your wishes. My charge is generally $350 and is all inclusive with no hidden charges. It is important to realize that 90% of an officiant’s work is done before the day of the wedding in meetings, research, writing and, re-writing. An officiant’s “work” usually averages of 10-15 hours for each wedding.
                                         WHAT SHOULD WE LOOK FOR?
You should be looking for a wedding officiant or minister who is not just experienced, reliable and affordable, but someone who is personable and sensitive to your taste.  Anybody can lead two people through a familiar set of wedding vows and deliver a canned message.  But for a truly magical moment, it takes a wedding officiant who understands the value of connecting, of being in the moment, of losing yourself to each other as you make the most important commitment of your lives together. You’re not looking for a cookie-cutter ceremony…but a personalized, customized wedding… your way.  A good officiant will co-create an experience to transform ordinary into amazing!
You may not even know what you want your ceremony to look like.  That’s all right.  You may have no idea what to say.  That’s not a problem.  That’s why you have hired a professional officiant. We will put our experience to work for you to create a ceremony that is a perfect fit: an experience you and your guests will long remember.